Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
wanna go halves on a baby?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
