But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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