So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
