You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize