His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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