can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
