I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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