can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize