rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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