don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
