between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
