Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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