Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
