i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
