Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
