i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
