she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
