Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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