If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
