Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
