Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
