I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
