so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize