Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
