My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
