I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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