alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
