My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
