Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
