that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
