Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
