If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
