I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
