Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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