Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize