You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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