my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
