tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
