He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My cat gives me a boner
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Your cock deserves a montage
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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