Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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