i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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