Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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