Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
