we have pet lesbian snakes
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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