do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
