I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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