It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
