that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
