i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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