Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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