i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
