if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize