Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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