Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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