I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
