I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
