Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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