Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
