I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
