2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
