I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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