you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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