Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
