The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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