hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
